I Married A Sociopath
Many people don’t know or aren’t even aware of what a sociopath is and what they are capable of. I wasn’t aware until I left my ex-husband. I felt very isolated and alone when I was in that relationship and anyone who has been with a sociopath understands that. I lived this parasitic lifestyle for eight years with a very dangerous, unstable, and evil person. If someone feels something is off about their partner or starts to notice a pattern of behavior that seeks to take away their freedom and sense of self through demands, threats, and manipulation, then the best thing to do is to get away immediately from that person.
The Reason I Wanted To Write This Book
Before I started to write my memoir, “No One Knew,” I decided to ask different writing groups on social media about this subject. I asked if they would be interested in reading my story on being married to a sociopath and how I learned to heal. I was surprised by how many people responded that wanted to know more about my experience, but I was also surprised by how many people didn’t know what a sociopath was.
However, when I was married to my ex-husband, I didn’t know what a sociopath was at the time either and I really wish I would have known, because maybe I wouldn’t have married him, or blamed myself for thinking I had done something wrong when he would go off on one of his tangents. Or even worse, what my children had to endure listening to his wild outburst and being a witness to his irresponsible behavior. This is why I wanted to write this book. If I could help just one person understand that this is not about them, but about the sociopath having power and control over them, then hopefully it would empower them to speak out and seek help. After the hurtful behavior and destruction it causes on your own self-worth, getting away from the sociopath is the first step to healing.
What Is A Sociopath?
A Sociopath is someone who lacks empathy, particularly an inability to feel remorse for their actions. They pour on the charm and then can turn at the drop of a hat and be deceitful, aggressive, and violent with their words in a threatening way. They are hostile, irresponsible, impulsive, and get involved in risky behavior. They have a need for instant gratification and have little concern for the safety of others or themselves. This all stems from a lack of self-worth within themselves. They think they’re above everyone else to the outside world and they tend to blame other people for their circumstances.
Unfortunately, Hollywood has made it seem that a sociopath is a serial killer when in reality this is unlikely. The sociopath I encountered came into my life like a freight train. From the beginning, he had me thinking we were soul mates. That freight train will eventually derail and crash. You will be left with picking up the pieces and wondering how it all happened.
Research has shown that up to four percent of the population in this country are sociopaths. Yes, they do walk among us. This is scary to think, especially knowing how destructive sociopaths can be and the lengths they will go to hurt you and win. I am speaking of someone that is in a relationship with a sociopath. If they haven’t fully shown their true colors yet to you, but you have a gut feeling that something isn’t right with their behavior, listen to your gut because it’s normally right. They will eventually show you their true selves behind closed doors.
I know what it feels like to be the victim of a sociopath. Wanting so badly to speak to someone else but scared that no one would believe me or refuse to believe my story because my story was so bizarre with all of the things that my ex-husband did to keep his power and control over me. I suffered years of emotional abuse, which left me emotionally and physically battered. “No One Knew” what I went through, except for my children. The only people that can truly understand what I endured are the victims themselves. This book is important for me to put out in the world and I can only hope that it makes a difference to someone out there that feels alone because no one understands what they’re going through. I do.
A Toxic Relationship
Becoming involved with a sociopath long-term can leave permanent damage on your mental and physical health. My own mental and physical health deteriorated after eight years of enduring the abuse. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I put on a smile the best I could out in public, but I was severely depressed, always anxious, and stressed to the point of getting ill all of the time. This was towards the end of the relationship. I remember looking in the mirror and not even seeing myself. I started drinking heavily to numb the pain of it all. There were some nights I went to sleep and just didn’t want to wake up to my reality. I was never suicidal but I just wanted an out.
Being with a sociopath is like being with a person behind the mask. I have learned a great deal about their traits and characteristics, but mostly, I have learned a great deal about myself. I was a nurturing mother, loyal in my relationship with him, compassionate and empathetic. I learned that sociopaths target these qualities in someone. They can mask their persona as your soul mate, they suck you into their world, and then once they have you where they want you, they attack.
Knowing what to look for and the signs that someone is a sociopath may help you decide to take action and to leave. Getting away from a sociopath is the best thing you can do to protect yourself and get to know “YOU” again. Once you’re away from them, you will feel like a brick has been lifted off of your chest and you will slowly start to heal. It takes time. Give yourself that gift.
I would love to chat with you more. I’m definitely getting a copy of your book. I, too, was married to a sociopath. I had looked for information/a book written from the perspective of a spouse of a sociopath and couldn’t find one, until now. I had considered writing a book too, because there isn’t a lot of information out there and you can feel alone and crazy dealing with a sociopathic spouse/significant other. Especially when his family and friends are in complete denial, can’t see his true self like a spouse can.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing this. That is honestly what made me want to write this book. I struggled with whether or not I should write it because I knew I was going to have to relive it again, but something told me that I just had to. As you said, you couldn’t find any information written from the perspective of a spouse. I hope to be a voice for others and to shed some light on sociopathic behavior with what I went through. I only wished I had known more about this disorder sooner. I want others to know it is possible to go from victim to victor and they are not alone in what they are experiencing, as crazy as it feels. I hope my story helps you in maybe even writing your own story to share with the world, and with the hope that it will help someone else or even save their life. I would love to hear back from you and let me know if you write that book. I would love to read it.